That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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