3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Me too!
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
