Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
