i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Randomize
