Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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