your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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