I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
