went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize