Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
