Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
