hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
