gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
