I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
