i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
