Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize