weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
