I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize