I'm gonna have a badass scar
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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