You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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