dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
