im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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