So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize