I think my fart just growled at me.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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