I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
