Moan for me like Helen Keller
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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