Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
