hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
