I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
