wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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