she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize