There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
