It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
