Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
