dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
