Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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