I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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