Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You may now shotgun with the bride
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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