I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
