Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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