I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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