ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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