we made out on top of his cat.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
