Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
