I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I enjoy the company of your penis
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
