remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
