I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
