So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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