my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
