i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I am spending my child support on dildos
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
