I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
