Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
it hurts more in the daytime
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
