So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
