3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
