He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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