What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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