I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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