hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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