I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
