I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
