hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
