Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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