I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
