you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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