I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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