I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
