When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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