Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
