it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
It's Friday. Sex?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
there is glitter all over my balls
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