i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize