I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Randomize
